In No Particular Order
10.27.2004
The little stuff that keeps me busy...

This isn't a profound entry, maybe it's not even interesting - but it's what I've been doing lately and what has been on my mind.

College
Love it and hate it, all at the same time. I started my clinical rotation today at a nursing home facility. I really don't enjoy nursing homes, but we have no choice but to start at one. Luckily, I requested one an hour away that is not filled with demented total care clients. I will have the same client for the next six weeks and she is able to bathe herself, she is continent and she loves to watch Animal Planet. I do believe we shall get along beautifully. I really don't know what I can do for her, but I do hope that I will be able to take her outside, play cards with her and just chat - but I don't know how much of that we are allowed to do. Today I just spoke with her for a bit and reviewed her chart.

The piles of homework have become exceedingly larger over the past few weeks. I think they slowly just add things so that it doesn't become overbearing, but when I compare to the amount of work I am doing outside of class now to that of what I was doing at the beginning of the semester, I am overwhelmed with the difference.

I keep pushing forward and I still have an A, which is saying a lot - this program is very challenging. Some things have happened recently that make me question my emotional ability to do this job. Last week's ER was insane and left me crying for about an hour after and it's a damned television show, after all. That, combined with a good friend of mine (works ICU in STL children's hospital) losing his favorite "little girl" patient who was very young with cystic fibrosis has left me questioning how I am going to handle the grief I will be faced with on a daily basis. Part of me knows that I can do it. Pediatrics is my thing - I am crazy about kids and I am so strong when I have to be. Another part of me is afraid that one day I will break and I'll never be able to go back to work. I suppose I'll not know until I am faced with those situations. I know it will be okay, there are plenty of other options as a nurse, but I don't want to disappoint myself by not fulfilling my goal to work in peds.

Baseball
What a great world series, eh? I tried to love the Cards this year, I really tried. I've been a Braves fan for a few years, I know the players, I watch the games and that is pretty much as far as I go with baseball. All of my new "college" friends, however, are die-hard Cardinals fans and I want to punch them in the face. I nearly lost an eardrum the night they won the game that entered them into the WS since I made the mistake of going to an already usually loud classmate's class during the 9th. At that point I knew that I couldn't cheer on the Cardinals. I was drawn to the Red Sox earlier in the season a bit, anyway. So, now I'm the "outcast" and the "traitor" and I like it like that. Especially since my team is way up at this point.

Chicago
Would you believe that I've been all over the country and out of it twice, but have never ventured to the top of my state, to that big city on the lake? It's true! I finally made it up there though and what a great place! My little sister and I took our first trip together and we had a blast. We really haven't spent a great deal of time together since we were really young, so it was a definitely a learning experience. I learned that we are very much alike as far as being obsessively organized and loving to sleep in. But, I also learned that we are very different. It takes her ages to get her things together to go somewhere, she can't drive for shit and she eats like a horse! Yes, of course she only weighs 110 lbs and she's gorgeous. So lovely, in fact, that she has been chosen as a contender for the Miss Illinois USA pageant. I hate pageants, but it will be good for her, I think. The best news is that I will get to spend another weekend in Chicago later this month with more time to go sightseeing and such. I don't expect her to win or anything, but I am very very proud of her and I'm looking forward to seeing her holding her head high, walking across that stage. Pictures are hereby promised!

Halloween
I am invited to a very exclusive Halloween party that I do not want to go to due to it's exclusiveness. However, I feel obligated and I am almost sure I will have a lovely time. I can not decide, however, what to go as. I bought these fab stockings a few weeks ago and I want to center my costume around them, but I am having a horrible time with making a decision. It has been suggested that I be a "dirty rag-doll" and do freckles, pink cheeks, pig tails, etc - so I am considering that. Here are the stockings, for your viewing pleasure.

The Election
Let it be here, already! I'm so tired of talking politics and seeing political signs, commercials and advertisements. I'm exhausted by it all. I did call nearly 200 potential voters in some swing states over the weekend, though, as a volunteer for MoveOnPac. It was interesting, to say the least. Some people are really over-protective about telling complete strangers who they are voting for. I understand, it's their right, I guess I'm just overly vocal sometimes.

Thanks for your comments on my earlier post. It means a lot to me that you understand and that some of you can sympathize. I have a long way to go with my mother, I know, but my brothers are easily influenced and I only hope that they will learn by my example.




10.19.2004
Politics With Family And Friends

I really hate doing it, honestly, but I find that I can't keep my mouth shut when I overhear people talking about Bush - about voting for Bush in particular.

I'll start with my friend, Nicole. Her husband is voting for Bush, so was she. She also always said that there was something about John Kerry that made her feel uncomfortable, although, she couldn't put her finger on it. Over the past few months, I've talked with her a lot about the Bush administration and the lies, deceit, etc. She never says much, but at least she listens. Finally, she was convinced to explore the issues and get a bit more educated about each candidate. Victory! She rushed up to me one day, "I've changed my mind, I'm voting for Kerry." I was pretty happy that I had helped make a difference, albeit a small one.

Then, today, she comes in to visit me at work and she tells me that she has realized why she can't vote for John Kerry. I was not prepared for the ridiculousness of what I was about to hear. When Nicole was a teenager and lived in another state, she went on a date with a man and went back to his home with him. There, he tried to force sex upon her. The man looks just like John Kerry, she says. First of all, EWW, I thought she had better taste then that!! I'm finding it really difficult to understand why someone would not vote for a candidate due to a resemblance to someone that has hurt them. Whatever floats your boat. I am probably sounding really insensitive right now, but if you knew and how everyone she's ever gone out with has tried to rape her, you would be a little calloused, too.

Now, my family. UGH. My mom is a very uninformed republican voter. I hate that. So, this year I've been throwing facts in her face and expressing my disgust for the current administration. Over the weekend, I rented Fahrenheit 9/11. The movie really moved her - especially the footage from Iraq. I don't think people realize what really goes on over there, and sometimes I don't think they even care. Anyway, she said that she will vote democrat this time, that she feels it is the right thing to do. "Except", she says, "I don't like gays and they support gays."

She makes that statement in front of my 15 year old brother, who chimes in, "GROSS!!! Gay people are gross!!" Great parenting there, eh? This makes me so angry. I've tried and tried to get her to view the situation differently, or at least to keep her mouth shut in front of my brothers. I think I'll rent the Matthew Shepard story for her, next, since movies seem to work a little.

I don't understand how gay people nor how their marriage to one another violates my rights as an American. You love who you love and I'm all about that.

My mother has never been exposed to homosexuality and she is rather religious, but it doesn't matter. It upsets me and I don't know how to make her understand where I am coming from.




10.08.2004
Congratulations are in order!

Gudy had a baby girl! It seems that everyone is doing well, too. I can't wait to hear the whole story and to see the pictures that have been promised :)

Congratulations, Gudy!




10.06.2004
You know you've had a good weekend when...

...you unpack and find 55 sets of beads, one drumstick, a new pink sockhat and a flavored non-lubricated condom. UNUSED! Someone just gave it to me.

I have decided that I will return to Bean Blossom, Indiana each year in October for the biketoberfest because I had a blast! I met a really fun/cute/nice guy named Ryan who gladly gave me his phone number. I wish I were brave enough to call him, but I'm not. Maybe next week I will be.

The situation is like this. Over the weekend, I fell in love with myself. I was nice to people, I talked to strangers and people were interested in talking back! I felt pretty and smart and just generally GOOD. I don't usually feel like that, I usually hide and talk to only my friends. I walked around with Ryan like the bravest girl on earth that I am not. We talked about everything imaginable since we stayed awake until 8am on Sunday when we had to leave and it was perfect until the last 10 minutes.

He asked me why I was so afraid of him.

Can you imagine my irritation? I was afraid of him, but I was hiding it so well! I was afraid of him because I liked him, a whole lot and I really was enjoying myself. I hate it that I am that readable. Maybe he was just a good guesser.

Now I am home and I don't like me very much again. I really need to work on that.

I could tell you one million crazy things that happened over the weekend, but I'm tired and grouchy and the stories won't be good right now.

I'll tell you another time, I promise.





On The Bookshelf

Heavier Than Heaven by Charles R. Cross

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

East Of Eden by John Steinbeck




On The Tube

Nothing this season, check back later!




Spinning

Echo, Incubus

Possession, Sarah Mclachlan

Fell In Love With A Boy, Joss Stone

October, Jessica Weiser

So Far Away, StainD

The Sickness, Disturbed

Going Under, Evanescence

Mexico, Incubus

The Reason, Hoobastank

100 minus 90 things:

confused 20-something

nursing student

pediatric ICU nurse wannabe

respiratory therapy tech

pop-music hater

i forgot how to love boys

i want to marry a guitar player

should have been a podiatrist

i am horrible at money management




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