In No Particular Order
4.30.2004
Cheddar-X, Because I'm Worth It

1. Name 3 things you absolutely love.
Bare feet on cold grass, my long lost best friend, playing the piano

2. If you had to give 2 of them up which would they be (and why)?
Ugh. If only I would have read this question before answering the previous. Well, i'm not keen on giving up my gf, so I guess the piano and the feet are out, sadly.

3. What is your all time favorite memory EVER?
Very tough question. I'll pull one up from my childhood that always makes me laugh and get teary. My parents were divorced when I was very young and it was always just my mom and I. She always had at least 2 jobs, sometimes 3, to take good care of us, but we still never had very much of anything. I never cared, I was a kid. Anyway, Christmas was always special for us because my mom played a killer santa claus and of course, I never knew any different. I woke up on a Christmas morning in our new house, sleepy eyes and dragging feet made their way into the living room. The Christmas tree was so bright that I squinted. The squints went to full on bulging eyes as I looked around the room. A 7 year old's devine dreams, fulfilled. A barbie house filled with barbies, clothes and furniture and a huge castle made for My Little Pony were set up in the middle of the floor. All the pink and purpleness sent me giggling like crazy, I was so excited. Mom cleared her throat from the couch where she sat holding about 7 Care Bears and various other stuffed animals. I squeeled and ran to her and threw myself on top of her, melting her with my hugs and kisses. She played with me all day long, just the two of us, until it wasn't Christmas anymore and she tucked me into bed, surrounded by my new toys. Thinking back, my favorite present was my day with her, not the toys, but they sure were pretty great, too.

4. What is the one thing that happened in high school that would make you avoid your class reunion?
Nothing really, but I guess if I had to pick something it would be the chick fight I had over a boy. Typical hair pulling and slapping. Ugh.

5. What is your dream job, no matter how untrained you might be or unrealistic and bizarre it might be?
I'd love to own a vineyard.

6. What's one thing you think you're really good at?
Making people feel good.

I'm still only posting Cheddar, but finals are soon and I promise there will be some content after that. I have a good story brewing, I hope I don't lose it.

Go on over and get yourself some Cheddar-X.




4.22.2004
Just for the taste of it, Cheddar-X

1. What is the worst or best insult someone's said to you?
"I'm just not attracted to you anymore" Said by evil ex on the parting day.

2. What's the lamest platitude you know?
Just stop looking for love and it will find you. Please.

3. Do you pick up hitchhikers? When was the last time you did?
I don't because I'm scared and smart. I did once give someone money for a cab and a hotel room. And then I followed him and made sure that he didn't spend it on liquor. He didn't.

4. What's your favorite fruit and how do you like to eat it?
I love papaya, sliced in big chunks. I can't dare eat papaya in the states after having in in Central America, though, and it's two years until I can go back.

5. What's your favorite drive or drives?
I enjoy driving to St. Louis and tooling about in the city, forest park, etc.

6. Which begs the question, what's your favorite hike or walk?
There is a state park in northern Indiana that has the best hiking trails. It's been awhile, but that one is definately my favorite.

Don't be shy, go get your own!






4.16.2004
Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's Cheddar!

Hungry? Go get yourself some Cheddar-X.

1. What does party mean to you? A variety of things. There are the "good ole days" of partying, before my favorite little pub/club burned to the ground. One of those places where my group had it's own table, the bartender knew our drinks by heart and the live music was pretty tasty. Anymore, "partying" involves a six-pack, a deck of cards, four people and a game of euchre. Getting older sucks.

2. What was the first thing you thought or said when you saw your significant other for the first time? I've had a lust crush on my S.O. for about 5 years (only been dating for 7 months after I got brave enough to actually go talk to him) - the first thing I thought when I saw him was "damn". I never thought we'd actually be together.

3. Do you talk to yourself? Why? Yes, it helps me remember things. I talk to myself a lot when I'm studying or learning or writing a song.

4. What's been your biggest personal change in the last ten years? Self-acceptance and self-reliance. Both are huge for me.

5. What are you most looking forward to? Having a family.

I keep sneezing. Damn pollen.






4.13.2004
For When She's Gone

I had the unusual opportunity for a three generation baking day over the weekend. My mom had a bake sale on Saturday and requested my assistance in the kitchen on Friday. We made gazillions of pies, cakes, brownies, cookies and various other baked yumminess. She mentioned that my Nana was coming over to help with the apple pies and to bake some of her legendary bread rolls as well. A tinge of nervousness materialized within me because my Nana is showing the early signs of Alzheimer's, a disease that both terrifies and annoys my mother. I understand why Nana can't remember what she's supposed to bring or why she is coming over and it does not bother me at all. Mom, on the other hand swaps her fear of the disease with spoken annoyance. My patience with Nana even seems to annoy my mom at first, but as the day wears on she lets down her guard and begins to enjoy the sweet scents of the baked goods and the funny sarcasm, a trait that must skip generations, from Nana and I.

I had other engagements in the evening, but the gloomy look on Nana's face when I was about to leave encouraged me to delay my plans a little longer. As I was standing next to her at the counter, helping her peel apples, she glanced over at me with a twinkle in her eyes and words that made my heart swell. She wanted to show me how to bake her bread. I felt so flattered. I am not the first born grandchild, I am not married, I definately do not have exceptional cooking skills, why me?

She poured the bread flour into a bowl, added the secret ingredients that will stay etched in my mind alongside the sweet memories and scents of the day. She showed me how a spoon would never do the trick and how it would be my hands that would make the magic of the bread happen. I watched and listened and smiled as she remembered baking her first batch of bread when she was only 8, caring for her siblings while her mother was bedridden. I reminded myself how lucky I was. She may not be able to remember what groceries she needs or what my middle name is, but she remembers the important things, the very best stories for bread baking days. When there was finally a big lump of dough I watched her tear off pieces that are just the right size and mold them into rolls, her hands working in ways that mine never could. The pan was full and ready to rise, she set it aside. Pouring another bag of flour into a bowl, she pushed it towards me. She told me it was my turn, she knew I could do it, and she would be right there. She told me I had to learn, for when she's gone. I swallowed hard and tried to ignore the lump in my throat as I added the right amounts of everything, mushing it all together, and working in the flour. I couldn't say much as my hands molded the pieces into rolls, the way I was sure they couldn't. I finished the pan and presented it for her approval. The rolls came out of the oven looking perfect and tasting just like hers. She beamed as she told me to be sure to practice it and to pass it on to my own family and to remember how much everyone loves that bread at Christmas and Thanksgiving. Afterall, when she's gone there will be no one to make it except me, I was the only one she has ever taught. She just kept saying it - for when i'm gone. With glistening eyes, I smiled and promised her I would always do it.

And I will.

But I am postive I will never make those rolls without gentle tears streaming down my face remembering the day she taught me which memories really matter and showed me her love through a batch of bread.




4.09.2004
Everything's Better With Cheddar

Cheddar-X time, again.

1. When was the last time you caught yourself before doing something really stupid? What was it?
Last night I was going to volunteer to work a twelve hour shift today even though I need to be organizing the last bits of detail and decorating for Krista's baby shower tomorrow. Luckily, I did stop myself.

2. What was your last nightmare about?
I recently had this horrid nightmare about corpses. I'm taking anatomy II right now and my 12 year old brother is very curious about the cadavers and we had discussed them in detail that day. In the dream people kept showing me corpses and I kept throwing up, only it wasn't normal vomit, it was very thick, almost like cake icing. Strangely, corpses, blood, cadavers, and anything else gross doesn't disgust me and i've never gotten sick over anything like that.

3. How do you entertain yourself in traffic?
I sing and don't care who is watching. I also have Who Wants To Be A Millionaire on my nokia and I play that a lot.

4. Who inspires you?
A lot of people do, I guess. I couldn't choose just one person. My mother really used to, but now the rose colored glasses are off and I disagree with so many things that she does and rules and regulations that she lives her life by.

5. What trait in the opposite sex makes you wonder most?
The brain, definately the brain.

6. Which of the seven deadly sins is the worst? Why?
Greed. Because so many people have so little but will still give it away if someone else needs it. Seems the majority of those who are rich and greedy hoard it all when there are so many in need. I just think that the world might be a little better without so much greed, but i'm probably wrong.

7. Do you blog on the weekends much or at all?
I read a lot of blogs on the weekend, but rarely blog myself. Overall, i've definately increased my blogging in the last week or two.

Zee cheddar is good.





4.08.2004
Good Spam

I usually don't get any funny spam.

Today, I received this from Renae Bette.

Subject: stop pay-ing coupld hundred for software, we start from 15 bucks robot

Text from Email:

aquatint when herbs prove autostrada ,

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& serial number. It works exactly the same, but you don't get the
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(software and price list here)


Download your soft ware from our Superfast (100mbits connection) site &
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Start using your needed soft ware now




Woah. I better get my Superfast soft ware soon.






4.06.2004
What's Up With That Love Thing?

I have been dating Erin for almost seven months. Before him I dated Dwayne for six. Dwayne and I were best friends, we had everything in common and I could read him like a book. I was comfortable in every sense of the word and we had the best sex of my life. I loved him like I love my best friends, but I never told him. How do you say "I love you, but not romantic love, like I'm supposed to"? He never told me either. I left the country for a week and came back with a new perspective on life and I didn't want him in mine anymore. I still don't know why. I am pretty sure that it was because I felt like I was wasting our time. I wanted a family and he needed one. In six months we never moved past being best friends. I broke-up with him. I've never broken-up with anyone so easily. We are still good friends but I'm left with a million questions about what happened with us.

Now, there is Erin. As much as I'd wanted to avoid the same situation again, I haven't. I love being around him, I love snuggling close to him and I feel so extremely safe beside him, but I can't utter those words. I guess if I were sure about them, I would. Sometimes I'm pretty sure I love him. I never want him to be sad or hurt or lonely and when he is, even if he's strong about it, I hurt for him. I tried to leave him once and I did. For one day. And something drove me back, something I can't explain. It certainly wasn't lonliness, it wasn't jealousy, I knew he wouldn't be moving on for awhile, I just hurt without him. I could list his faults on ten sheets of paper, but if it weren't for his faults he wouldn't be him. He accepts mine. I want to give him myself, but I just can't. I don't worry a lot about the words we don't say, but sometimes I wonder if he's afraid to say them too. Sometimes they almost slip out of my mouth when I'm kissing him good-bye or hanging up the phone, but I always stop.

I don't know how I ended up like this.




4.02.2004
Do I Smell Cheddar?

This week Cheddar-X brings us double word association. I'm going to go through the list once with my word associations and then associate new words with my associations of the original words. Confused?

Mel Gibson - Patriot - Republican
Pot belly - Pig - Oink
Pork - Chop - Knife
New York Yankees - Rude - CNN
March Madness - Annoying - Slap
Iraq - War - GWB
Google - Dot Com - Start-Up
April Fool's Day - Jokes - Laugh
Sweet - Pea - Soup
Career - Job - Money
Economy - Bush - Deceit
Forest - Fire - Arizona
Jessica Simpson - ChickenoftheSea - Tuna
Enzyte Smiley Guy - Penis - Pump
Opening Day - Baseball - Braves
Motorcycle - Harley - Black
Highway Patrol - State - Legislature
Meth lab - Explosion - Bomb
Medicinal Marijuana - Busted - Jail
Fat America - McDonalds - Fries
Fast food - Fries - Grease
Coffee - Caffiene - Red Bull
Commercial flight - Pilot - Captain
Patriotism - Flag - Burning
Treason - Spy - Sneaky
Sedition - rebel - Southern
Final Solution - problem - fix




4.01.2004
Face Lift

Well, I can only stand so much pink for so long. This is completely temporary, too much blue, but i worked on it as long as I could at work, distracting myself from homework that constantly looms over me. There is actually a multitude of things I don't like about the color scheme. So, if you hate it, no worries, it'll only be up for a week or so in its current style. If you like it, let me know, maybe i'll keep most of it. I can't really decide what, exactly, it is that I hate about design, other than the blue overload and the font. I hate the font.

Oh well.

In new linkage news, I've added a good friend of mine who started a photo blog, Piran. I look forward to viewing his nifty photography on a regular basis. He's listed in my blog roll go take a look if you are so inclined.

On the school front, things are good. I managed to get a summer class that I really wanted to get out of the way, microbiology. Due to the need of microscopes and other laboratory materials there are only 24 spaces available. I actually stood in line at 7am to register for a class. I have reached nerd-dom. It was very important to me to get it out of the way now, though. I'm very determind to make the actual nursing classes as easy for myself as possible. Other people are taking 2 extra classes on top of them per semester. Those will be the people who fail from overload and burnout. I know it's going to be hard, but i'm not about to make it harder on myself. So, I get to spend 2 months of my summer, four days a week, 2 hours a day, learning about microorganisms. Woo!

Wow, if I do Cheddar tomorrow I'll have 2 posts in one week. Crazy.






On The Bookshelf

Heavier Than Heaven by Charles R. Cross

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

East Of Eden by John Steinbeck




On The Tube

Nothing this season, check back later!




Spinning

Echo, Incubus

Possession, Sarah Mclachlan

Fell In Love With A Boy, Joss Stone

October, Jessica Weiser

So Far Away, StainD

The Sickness, Disturbed

Going Under, Evanescence

Mexico, Incubus

The Reason, Hoobastank

100 minus 90 things:

confused 20-something

nursing student

pediatric ICU nurse wannabe

respiratory therapy tech

pop-music hater

i forgot how to love boys

i want to marry a guitar player

should have been a podiatrist

i am horrible at money management




Blogroll, Please






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